Bless Her Heart

Today is the one-year anniversary of Camdyn's Fontan...her "heartiversary," as we call it.  The last several days, I keep thinking "this time last year...we were doing CT scans...packing...cleaning...and staying out of public places."  We were soaking up every nap filled with cuddles, every giggle shared between our children, every "I love you" that could never be said enough.  We were answering endless questions...not only from our little love, but also from concerned friends, family...even strangers, at times.  We were trying hard not to be anxious, to let our nerves remain at rest in our Heavenly Father.

But it seemed nearly impossible.

We were going through the necessary motions to do what had to be done and putting everything else on the back burner.  

People tell us all the time that they don't know how we can do it.  How we can get through these experiences we've had, battling a severe medical defect that is more common than you think and less known than it should be.  The answer is simple:  WE don't get through it.  HE gets us through it.  

As much as those days seemed to drag on forever (and is only a fraction of the hospital stays experienced by so many more), it feels like we blinked and it's behind us.  And now, rather than packing for the hospital and making plans for appointments, we get to plan a big surprise party for the first heartiversary that she will be old enough to remember. And though we're rejoicing and counting our blessings, we are also mindful of how quickly that can change.  Today is a gift.  Today, she's doing really great.  Tomorrow could always be different.

My dearest Camdyn, we are so proud of you, honey.  Your bravery and courage to face this mountain you've been forced to climb are a huge testament to your Creator.  Always have hope, always persevere, always be who God created you to be.  Be strong, but don't be afraid of weakness.  In our weakness, He shines through stronger.  Let Him complete His perfect work in you, my sweet pea. 

Today, we will celebrate with red heart decorations, a little gift, and a HUGE surprise party tonight...with somewhere around 70 people.  SEVENTY!  What a blessed way to celebrate our baby.  We've been able to keep it a surprise for her, and it's totally possible that she may freak out at first, but I just know she will love it.  We've been looking forward to doing this since we started planning it during our hospital stay last summer.  We are so grateful, so blessed, joyously overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support.  

HAPPY BIG RED HEART DAY!  Let's get the party started!!

Seeking Beauty

Are you a glass half-empty or half-full kind of person?  Do you find life mundane or take note of the little things? Do you linger over your coffee...stop to smell the roses...feel a sense of awe when you see the sunset?

Having a heart baby has taught me to notice the little things.  To diligently seek out those things that we can so easily take for granted, but should be counting as treasures.  Some amount of it comes naturally to me because of the artist in me.  But day to day, it can be so easy to lose the sense of wonder we should have in all things designed by our Creator, big AND small, tangible and intangible, beautiful things and beautiful moments.  We should look for those things around us that are beautiful.  That make us pause.  That make our hearts sing.

The beginnings of a recent custom order

...All things I think about while working on a new custom order hoop.

"May you see beauty every day."  Six simple words.  Lessons in embracing the day's beauty for what it is...a treasure.  Sometimes it's really hard to find on a difficult day...but it's there.  It's a choice to count blessings, to give thanks for the small things.  

Other times, it couldn't be ignored, even if we wanted to.  These simple pleasures remind us that God is in the details.

And the more we look for them, the more evident they become...the easier they are to find.  They start finding us.

Phase 2

Birds chirping in the spring.  The first cup of morning coffee.  Quiet mornings.  The smell of rain.  The way my little loves' heads smell and the way they curl their toes...how they mispronounce words like "bicycle" and "breakfast."  Endless loads of laundry (we have two tiny bodies to clothe!), housework (we really use our home), faces covered in chocolate from demolishing their bunnies after Easter.

Once we're well-practiced in this kind of thinking, it becomes second nature...and it should be...because they are all gifts from our Creator, opportunities to express our gratitude to Him.

May You See Beauty Every Day

Won't you try focusing on seeing the beauty of today with me?

Laugh.

Linger.

Love with all your being.

Set your mind on things above (Colossians 3:2).  

Party {Heart}y

Throwing a party.  A shindig.  A get-together.  A celebration.  It's one of my most. favorite. things.  EVER.  I just love to make people feel special and to celebrate any occasion (or none at all!).

And what better occasion than to help prepare for your new (and first) nephew?!?!  Yes, I finally get to become an actual auntie.  I've been a pseudo-auntie for quite some time now, and now there will be a new little in my own extended family!  Yay!  

Meet my sister-in-love, Heidi.

Photo from October 2012

We feel like we go way back (and we kinda sorta do, but not really.  I PROMISE I didn't hate you when we worked together!).  We see eye-to-eye on a lot of things.  And we tell each other when we need a "you-ARE-actually-being-crazy-this-time" attitude check.

We have a few of these "laughing-while-trying-to-take-a-darn-selfie" photos

Well, she and my brother-in-love, Ryan, are expecting their first baby...a little boy! 

It's a boy!

They've named him Owen and we can't wait to meet him (just keep cookin', little buddy!).  It was my honor to throw her first baby shower ever (for our husbands' side of the family, of course...these boys are such brothers).  And you all know I like big celebrations.

CELEBRATE!

My GO BIG OR GO HOME motto for celebrating life events is somewhat well-known, if you know me.  And don't forget...it's not about spending money on being extravagant, but using forethought, planning, and some creative thinking to make it special (and staying up until 2am to finish making decorations while obsessing over the menu - more coffee, please). 

Deciding on the theme was easy...she's a book lover and appreciates all things vintage.  Voila!  A vintage, library-inspired party!

O is for Owen

I had some old books to begin with and knew I needed some to stack for displays and some to rip apart and use for some of the projects I had planned (how to choose the ones to rip up?  Harder than I thought!).  And thanks to my "seester," (thanks, Lex!!!!!) my supply more than doubled with a thrift store trip and a purge of her own books.  I had book page mobiles, pinwheels, and garlands planned (oh, Pinterest, how do I love thee?).  With a little lot of time and effort, it all came together in time (and getting your house clean for the arrival of guests is always an added bonus)!

A wall of pinwheels...

A few book page mobiles for hanging...

...and a "rolodex-style" folded book to hold "library card" notes for Owen!

The pinwheel wall?  I think it's my favorite.  My favorite.  Almost as much as coffee.  Some paper, tiny brads, and a fresh pack of sticky tack did the trick (because who wants to fill freshly-painted walls with new holes?)!  And it still holds (I can't bring myself to take it down - I'm still enjoying it too much!).

Pinwheels, books, and baby pictures, "O Baby!"

The menu included Chinese Chicken Salad (thanks, Costco!), Seven Superfood Salad (thanks, times two), Caprese Salad Cups, Cheese and Crackers, and Wonton Cups with Strawberries, topped with an Orange-Coconut Cream (which I enjoyed as coffee topping for 3 additional days).  Yummers.

Thanks, Ed, for holding all the food!

Caprese - Mmmmm....our favorite!

The Wonton Cups with Strawberries!

Dessert?  Lemon Mousse Cups with Raspberry Preserves and (by demand request) Lemon Sugar Cookies with Royal Icing (to resemble alphabet blocks, of course!).  

Lemon Mousse - easiest "recipe" ever!

Lemon Sugar Cookies - a double batch is a must.  NO.  JOKE.

A marquee light - why not?

When the weather is nice enough, we like to utilize the patio for our parties.  We set up a cute little outdoor living room (complete with mismatched chairs).

Outdoor living rooms are always a good idea.

This banner and mobile were made of book pages and paint chips (and sweetly swayed in the breeze).

And no party is complete without an appropriately-coordinating chalkboard...

#freshchalk

...or TWO.

More #freshchalk.  I love this quote.

A sweet, vintage vignette.

This table was purely for decor purposes.  Sometimes, you just need those.

For favors, I made these cute little book page and glitter ribbon clothespins.  And yes, that's a font called "1948" - I didn't actually use a typewriter (though, you shouldn't put it past me).

We visited, we ate, we played, and we "showered with blessings."  

Match the quote to the children's book title...harder than we thought!

The highly-coveted Paisley Sprouts clutch...Alli, she laughed.  Really hard.

Even the younger ladies had a wonderful time.  

Then, those of us left afterwards sacked out on the sofa, with the windows open, the leftovers available for eating, and our comfy pants on (BYCF - Bring Your Comfy Pants!).

Sweet little Owen, we are so excited to meet you!  Finish baking up like the perfectly golden lemon sugar cookies your mom hoards loves so much.  You'll be here before we know it!  You have some crazy excited cousins and aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandpas praying for you!  We love you so much!!!

Love,

Your {Favorite} Auntie

National Wear Red Day!

My sweetie, sporting her RED for CHD Awareness week!

Congenital Heart Defect/Disease Awareness Week begins today!  Educate yourself about this widely-unknown subject.  1 in about 110 babies are born with a CHD, and to most, it's a surprise.  CHD's are the #1 birth defect...and about 40,000 babies are born every year with a CHD (statistics taken from Mended Little Hearts).  SO MANY of these go undetected, unnoticed, with no outward symptoms right away.  We were blessed with an excellent doctor who detected it on ultrasound...but many parents don't have this luxury and it comes as a complete surprise to them when they hear that their newly-born precious baby has a problem.  

Be educated this week and share to spread awareness!!  And wear that red!

One Of The Greatest Gifts

Being a parent has taught me a lot.  And no, I don't feel any wiser for it (at least not yet!).  Do you know what being a parent has taught me?

That I'm selfish.

That I can have a short temper.

That my words are not always seasoned with salt.

That I am easily frustrated or irritable.

That my life still needs a lot of work.  Not work that I can do alone.  Work that I need to allow God to do within me.  Work that can only be done by surrendering my will to His.

My children have taught me lesson after lesson about grace.  Forgiveness.  Love.  (Kids grant grace and forgiveness so much faster, sometimes, it seems).  Embracing each day and treasuring it as a gift.  I don't always do that, of course (remember all that work that still needs to be done?), but it's certainly a daily goal.

Nightly reading time together

Grace.  Being given the gift of something we don't deserve.  The ultimate example of that is Christ, and as Christians, it's a behavior we are called to imitate.  

All too often, we are judgmental, wanting people to get what they deserve, seeking justice, holding others to a standard that may be unrealistic (I know I'm sure guilty).  But that isn't how God chooses to treat us.  Oftentimes, we are so ready to judge others, but when it's our turn, we're all about asking for forgiveness...expecting it, even.  But one of the best gifts we have to offer to others is grace.

We don't know the struggles that a stranger (even a friend or acquaintance) may be dealing with.  We dramaticize or magnify our own issues and minimize those of others.  Rather than being sympathetic, we turn our trials into a competition because "they don't know what it's like for us," "how could they understand," or "they've never been in our shoes."  Rather than judging and criticizing each other, we should be granting grace.  It's what God does for us, even though it's clear that we don't deserve it.

You see...that's the whole point of grace.  It isn't dependent upon a person's worthiness (we would all desperately fail), circumstances, or desires.  In fact, a call to grace isn't dependent upon the other person at all.

Our call to grant grace to others is about us, and the choice that we make.

It's the choice to get off of our soap boxes, to withhold judgement and criticism, and to give them the benefit of the doubt.  It's the choice...the gift...to show others Christ's love, the way he did for us.  

"We love because He first loved us."

~1 John 4:19

He doesn't love us because we deserve it.  He doesn't love us because we earned it.  Nor does He loves us because we loved Him first. We are to love as a result of His love for us.  Because He set the first example of true love, our love should imitate His love.  We love our own children because they are our children.  We don't love them because they are capable of showing love to us right away.  We love them for who they are.  

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us,

that we should be called children of God;

and so we are..."

~ 1 John 3:1

Love and grace go hand-in-hand.  Grace flows from a loving heart.  We didn't earn it from Him...and we can't expect others to earn it from us.  None of us deserves it (and it isn't for us to determine that, anyway).  That's why it's a gift.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. 
And this is not your own doing; 
it is the gift of God,
not a result of works,
so that no one may boast." 

~ Ephesians 2:8-9

"Just because" flowers

The gift of God.  Sometimes, because we love our children, we do something nice for them. Even when attitudes are poor, respectfulness is lacking, and obedience has been thrown out the window.  Clearly, it's not my first instinct to give them a "gift" under such circumstances, but occasionally, it's what's needed the most...not because they've earned it, but simply because we love them.

Granting grace isn't easy.  It goes against our human nature.  But it is what we are called to do.  Next time I feel the urge to judge or criticize someone, anyone, family, friend, stranger...even foe, I will try with all my might to remember how grateful I am for the grace that I have been granted, and try to do the same.  Let's toss judgement and criticism of each other out the window...and instead...

"Grace be with all who love our Lord Jesus Christ

with love incorruptible."

~ Ephesians 6:24

{Hidden}

Oftentimes, while I work on things with my hands, I think about God's word.  Recently, I pondered some things while finishing up an Etsy order (do you do that, too?).  My fingers can stitch away and my mind can wander...and dwell on God's truth...as well as how I can better apply His words.

The back of a hoop

This?  It looks like a jumbled mess.  Threads everywhere.  Knots.  Tangles.  Nonsensical.  Just like our lives.  Sometimes we can be a little bit "all over the place."  We let things get to us and we get "knotted up" inside, stubborn, even.  Sometimes, we get so tangled up in our sinful natures that we let it control our actions.  Many other times, life just plain doesn't make sense and we are left dumbfounded.  

Life is messy.  It's a tangled mess of daily trials, some within our control (and of our own doing), and some outside of our control.  It's the simple result of sin entering the world shortly after time began. Though we may try to fix what we can, our "bandaids" are only temporary.  

We try to put our "best selves" out there, but behind the scenes doesn't always (or usually) match with what we let others see.  We often only want others to see our good sides.  But that isn't real.  Each of us is imperfect in some way, differently from others.  In this "Perfectly Pinterest Age," we see what others want us to see...we can easily try measuring ourselves up to the standard that we have created from what we see.  The things we lack personally are good qualities in others.  But we have each been lovingly and uniquely handcrafted.  

And we have been offered the gift of redemption.  A new life.  A distinct purpose.  

Colossians 3:3

Society tells us to "put ourselves out there."  God's word tells us to deny ourselves and live for Christ.

Society tells us to "climb the corporate ladder" and that "bigger is better."  God's word tells us that He must increase, but we must decrease.

Society says, "put your best foot forward."  God's word tells us that no one is good.

Our striving is in vain when living our lives for ourselves.  But when we have been redeemed in Christ, everything changes.  Our aim is no longer to run the rate race, to strive for earthly perfection, or to store up "treasures on earth."  

Our purpose is to glorify God.  Our lives are now "hidden with Christ."  Our desire for what the world now sees from us shifts from our "best selves" to a life that is undeniably lived to glorify the Holy Creator.  We aim not to have people see us at all, but Christ.  He clothes us in our "new selves" that are purely to be a reflection of Him.  And our earthly trials also take on new meaning.  No longer are they just about "something outside of our own control," but how God desires to use them...in us, as well as for others.  It's definitely something we have been learning since having Camdyn...and ALL that it entailed for us then, AND now.  We no longer have to waffle between decisions to make the "right" one because our job is to take a backseat to our own motives and desires and let God's work flow through us...without being an obstacle to His good and perfect will.  

The hoop's front, messiness all covered.

He will cover us in redemption from the death of His Son and make something beautiful and perfect for His purpose...if we surrender our will to His.

Lord, please hide me so others have no choice but to see You.

The Heart Of It All

The six-month mark of Camdyn's Fontan came and went before we could barely blink.  It's not that we had forgotten or didn't want to recognize it somehow, but that this thing we call "life" got so busy we were tied up with the "ins and outs" of the daily routines.  School, work, Etsy Shop, a couple rounds of mild illnesses amongst each of us, plans, appointments, trying with all our might to put Christmas cheer up in our home for our littles to enjoy.  Then there was this surprise trip to a magical place coined as the "Happiest Place On Earth."  We were busy, crazy busy...but also blessed busy.  Busy with all those things we had the luxury to accomplish or enjoy.

My, how our lives had changed again in six months.  We began 2013 hopeful and faithful, but also unsure, and dreading the summer.  We went from normal day-to-day life in January to planned hospital life by June, and post-hospital day-to-day life again in July.  Now, at the end of 2013, it seems as though our Big Red Heart Days were so long ago, yet, returning for her "mild" heart surgery yesterday (though it seems strange to say it, at least it was not open or complicated), it seemed, still, like we had barely left.

It happens sometimes.  We forget to see the big picture because we are caught up in the minutiae (or is that just me?).  No matter how hard I may try, sometimes I briefly forget the emotions that were so real to us during that time...and yet, I still cannot peruse our pictures or blog posts from the last 8 months without feeling the wave of emotions all over again.  The minutiae.  Seemingly inconsequential.  We are ever so thankful for those.  But sometimes, it takes work to remember the bigger picture (enter: tunnel vision), and just what (read: Who) is at the heart of it all.  God is steadfastingly faithful.  He always has been...but we were given the opportunity to test our faith this year, and to see His faithfulness come to pass.  God.  He's at the center.  He was with us at her appointments, He was with her on the playground.  He was there around our dinner table, He was with us during cuddle time.  He stood with us in the waiting room, and covered her with protection in the operating room.  He calmed our nerves during recovery...and when she went back to school.  And then, He was with us everywhere in between.

It's not that He was at the heart of it all, but that He is the heart of it all.  If nothing else, this year has been an exercise in proper focus.  Not focusing on the details, the questions, the uncertainties, but on Him.  The less we focus on Him, the more time and energy we have to allow our focus to shift out of place, away from where it should be.  In turn, keeping our focus on Him removes the opportunity for all the things outside of our control to occupy our minds...which keeps worry and anxiety at bay.

Oswald Chambers (I couldn't locate the original source)

I wouldn't hesitate to say that 2013 was our most trying year yet, or our most blessed.  Out of all those trials and valleys, we found our blessings.  It's like the quote by GK Chesterson that says, "Without the rain, there would be no rainbow."

Camdyn & Max after her pre-surgery physical on Monday, and Camdyn post-surgery on Tuesday

And when I look at the big picture in conjunction with recognizing the little triumphs, my heart overflows with gratitude...which is the best way to close out 2013, and begin 2014...and being able to do so is a blessing in itself.

Walking the hall in Explorer on Tuesday night, and a stop at the big red heart before heading home Wednesday!

Happy New Year, friends!  May your blessings be multiplied in 2014 and your focus on Him steadfast.