2013: Going Out With A Bang

A couple of final Big Red Heart Days for 2013 are on our agenda.  That's how we're spending New Year's Eve and Day...living it up at the hospital!!  After open-heart surgery, sometimes, when the chest heals up, the wires used to close the chest cavity can come close to the surface of the skin, and even puncture it from the inside.  Since September, Camdyn has had a noticeable one that has become bothersome (pokes her from the inside when she leans a certain way).  X-ray discovered that there are two that are protruding, so she'll have a little surgery Tuesday morning (bright and early...yawn) to have them removed.  It's a simple procedure, small incisions, but also lab work, anesthesia, and an IV will be involved.

My Sweet Pea is looking so grown up, these days.

Would you please pray for my sweet pea?  She's nervous and scared (understandably) and would really appreciate it (as will we)!  Thanks, friends!  Your love and support this year have been off-the-charts incredible.

On Thanks and Giving

The last fall leaf will soon be falling from my favorite tree in our yard.  The leaves that have already fallen have yet to see a rake this season.  We enjoy the "messiness" of our yard in the fall.  Something about it is so serene, so quintessentially right (though the strangers who keep coming to the door and asking if we want them to clean our yard for a small fee would potentially disagree).   Fall stirs something up within us that no other season does.  It could be the fact that the air is finally fresh again after the first rain or two...it could be that the season unfolds before us so rapidly that if we blink too long we miss it...or that the cooler temperatures breed the desire for cozying up under blankets with our little loves and a hot drink.

Fall sings to our souls.

And to close out the all-too-short fall season is my favorite holiday...Thanksgiving.   I love enjoying a meal around the table with loved ones.  I love the smells that waft from the kitchen throughout the rest of the house that say "something delicious is coming."  I love teaching our children about gratitude and hearing what Camdyn is thankful for.  Most recently?  She listed off Jesus, shoes, her bed, and her mommy.  With the exception of a Daddy or Max mention, I'd say that's a pretty accurate list.  It's the simple things.  And we have so much more to be thankful for again this year.  After such a big summer, in a way, we began celebrating Thanksgiving in June! We are thankful for health, for a life that sometimes, some might call "boring," for our growing littles, for sharing the season with people we love.  We are thankful for the times that God tell us to just wait, to wait on Him for direction, for an answer, no matter how long that may be...because we are also thankful for His sovereignty.  Over everything.

I was at the store the other day picking up a couple of grocery essentials.  While I was standing in line, there was a woman a few people ahead of me who was speaking to the cashier about Thanksgiving.  As she was putting her bagged groceries in the cart, she said that she really didn't "celebrate Thanksgiving at all, anyway."  She said that she really only liked it "for the food," then proceeded to list off all the food she wanted to eat over the holiday.

Really?  I thought to myself.  It just sounded so pointless and sad.

But unfortunately, it makes sense.  We live in a time where Halloween gets more "screen time" than Thanksgiving.  Where we are unwillingly catapulted from the end of Halloween straight into Christmas...but not real Christmas.  Commercialized Christmas.  They are two very different things.  We see commercials for Black Friday specials left and right...and now "Brown Thursday?"  Stores opening specifically on Thanksgiving night because they want to draw crowds of people who want to get a jump start on their "Christmas" shopping.  Why can't we just have a few solid hours to really celebrate Thanksgiving...without rushing out the doors to catch the latest steal of a deal?  And where are all the Thanksgiving decorations?  They were quickly replaced with all things Christmas immediately following Halloween.

But why?

I have no problem with the idea of Black Friday...I love a good bargain as much as the next person.  I love to get the most "bang for my buck" when shopping for loved ones.  But when did Thanksgiving become about shopping specials?

Our pastor said it right yesterday when he said that it doesn't make any sense to "give thanks" if you aren't expressing that gratitude to someone in particular.  It would be senseless to give thanks to the universe for what some would consider a "cosmic accident."  So what option does that leave?

I remember old song lyrics from my childhood:

Give thanks with a grateful heart,
Give thanks to the Holy One,
Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His son.

And now let the weak say, "I am strong,"
Let the poor say, "I am rich,
Because of what the Lord has done for us,"

Give thanks

So that's what we do.  We give thanks to God with our grateful hearts for all the ways He has worked in our lives..for the things that are really big, like making Camdyn healthy again this year and keeping our baby boy perfectly healthy.  And we give thanks for the things that seem small, like fresh socks to wear, food on the table, piles of laundry left over after a super fun surprise trip to Disneyland (post with photos coming soon!).

But we can do more than simply give thanks.  We can give ourselves, our entire beings, to God.  It's what He wants from us.  It's all we can give to Him.  We can give him ourselves without withholding anything from Him.  It's no easy thing, especially when we firmly believe we have something to offer and that we can do this thing called "life" all by ourselves.  He doesn't want part of us.  He doesn't want the day's leftovers from us.  He doesn't want us for the things we would consider our talents or skills.  He doesn't want us for the good things we do or say.

He just wants us. 

The good, the bad, and the ugly, if you will.  The moment we start thinking we have something to offer Him, we don't.  He will use every ounce of us in ways that we would never consider.  He used Moses to speak, though he was unskilled in speech.  He used a small boy named David to defeat a giant.  He used the apostle Paul, who, before his conversion, persecuted and threatened murder to those who proclaimed Jesus as Lord.

And He can use us, too...but only if we give ourselves to Him.  That's the "giving" part of Thanksgiving to me.  We offer our thanks to God for all that He has done for us, given to us, and has yet to do.  He is full of grace...the "unmerited favor" that none of us deserve, but that we all receive when we turn to Christ.  And in turn, we are to offer ourselves to Him.

Unrestrained.

Without argument.

Unhindered.

Completely.

Not "Ananias and Sapphira-style."  But ALL of us.  Each part.  Every last bit.

That's Thanksgiving.  May yours be filled with heartfelt thanks and family, while giving Him the best offering you have.

Heartfelt Homemade

I love things that are handmade.  In a world where so much of what surrounds us can be made with a machine, handmade items scream "special" to me.  Someone's very hands took the time to create something unique.  Individual.  One-of-a-kind.  These are the things that are "future family heirlooms."  It would be so easy to get something mass-produced, perfect, whipped up in minutes.  But then it loses it's heirloom quality.  Handmade items ooze with history, thought, care...and love.  And just the same way I aim to pass down the family heirloom of faith in Christ to my children, I want to pass down handmade items that will prompt memories of our faith, our life, and our home.

While it always seems as though I have more ideas than time or energy (as any mom to little loves understands), I do love to exercise my creativity when I can.  It's an outlet for me and brings so much fulfillment.  As a child, I watched my mom craft things with her hands, my grandmother was constantly crocheting, and there was never a shortage of craft supplies in our house.  In college, I minored in art for my own personal enjoyment.  And now, being a stay-at-home mom, my creativity needs to pack up easily, away from curious fingers (and because I simply can't stand to have a mess out for long).  But I've always desired to utilize my God-given talents...and I want to honor Him through them.

So I'm opening a little Etsy shop.  A little shop with a big heart.  It is {appropriately} named The Big Red Heart...inspired by my very own {biggest} little love.  It all began with a project for her bedroom that I worked on this summer...but what I love is that I automatically have the flexibility to create...to create whatever flows through my veins.

My first real embroidery project for my sweet pea's bedroom!

And it will provide the chance for me to help fill in any "gaps" in the family budget, to pay off debt, and essentially, to be able to bless others beyond what we are able to do now.

And Thursday is the day.  As in...tomorrow.  And if you're reading this before 10pm CST, you still have the chance to enter a giveaway on Instagram for some lovely handmade items, including a hoop art by "yours truly" and a gorgeous pillow cover by my talented, dear friend, and "fellow etsy shop owner" of Paisley Sprouts!  So hop on over to TheBigRedHeart on Instagram to enter!  

And happy handmade shopping!

The Six-Year Mark

As we prepare thankful hearts to celebrate Camdyn's first successful surgery tomorrow (the six-year anniversary of her Norwood), four days after being born, I hear of another mom whose HLHS baby didn't make it past day one.  I don't know this heart mom, and I haven't met in person the heart mom who shared this, but just being heart moms, there's an instant, automatic connection.  My heart aches for her and the loss of her sweet baby girl.  And in the back of my mind, I know that it could've been mine.

Nothing anyone can say would ease her heartache.  So much time spent anticipating the arrival of a sweet baby, expecting it to be healthy, being a good "pregnant mommy" and steering clear of all things that could change that.  Wondering whether it would be a boy or a girl, and then planning a beautiful little nursery where that baby would cuddle under a blanket, up on your shoulder, be towel-dried after baths, listen to bedtime stories, the sound of her mother's voice singing softly to her.  Where time getting to know one another would be spent in those first weeks, round the clock...tired mommy, sleepy baby.  Anticipating the connection, listening for her first coos and giggles, giving raspberries to her perfect, unscarred little belly, dressing her in her new clothes and tiny headbands.  Wondering what her first words will be...what the color of her eyes will be...if she will look more like you or her daddy. Painstakingly and prayerfully selecting the name that would be just right for her.

And then finding out that she would be born with a heart defect.  A life-threatening defect.  One to require multiple surgeries and procedures.  And in an instant, all your energy and thoughts go to praying and hoping that the surgeries are successful and your baby can live a somewhat normal and healthy life.  You no longer care or think about the outfit she will wear home from the hospital...because you don't know when that will be.  Your only prayer is that you get to take a semi-healthy baby home.  Your mind is haunted with the "what if's" and the "I hopes" and the "Dear God, please."  And all you can do is bide your time, trusting in God's faithful Word, kept promises, and sovereign plan...enjoy your time with her even though she's not yet born...stay strong for her and try not to let it ruin your entire pregnancy experience.

Photo Courtesy of I See Beauty Photography

I remember the day we found out.  The first time we would be speaking with her cardiologist.  It wouldn't be our last.  I remember what I was wearing, I remember driving to pick up my car from work in silence, sending Phillip in to tell them I would be home from work for a few days because I was unable to form words with the lump that was in my throat.  I remember needing to read the brochures that they sent home with us.  Changing doctors.  Changing hospitals.  Planning and scheduling induction.  Wondering if something I had done had caused this, even though they said it was a random, rare defect.

And then, there we were, finally having her at the hospital, eager to meet her face-to-face for the first time.  She looked like a beautiful rosebud, pink cheeks, pink lips, olive complexion, perfectly smooth chest and belly.  And then, as quickly as you can snap your fingers, she was off to Children's Hospital to get settled in the NICU, a baby with lines and monitors, in this tiny bubble (where she would look like a moose at her 6 lbs, 7 oz frame, compared to the dear, tiny premies growing strong before finally going home).

Holding our Sweet Pea for the first time!

On my 26th birthday, Camdyn was a mere 2 1/2 days old and awaiting her first surgery.  I wanted nothing but to be by her side or have her in my arms.  All I wanted for my birthday was to be with my little girl.  And I wanted to get her first surgery behind us so we could take her home and enjoy being a family of three (a blessing denied to many parents, not just heart parents).  We held her very early in the morning on surgery day, up until they had to take her to the OR.  And then we waited.  Oh, how we waited.  The clock's ticking was in the slowest of slow motions. I had to refuse any thoughts of what the current picture in the OR might have looked like...forcing myself to breathe, periodically.  And then finally, after somewhere around 11 or 12 hours, the final OR update came, in the hallway, with her surgeon.  And we could see her soon.

In the hallway, we could see her little head peeking out from all the covers on an adult-sized bed.  In her PICU room, we saw more wires, tubes, and monitors than baby skin.  You simply cannot prepare yourself for it.  But you take deep breaths and talk to her nurses and doctors in order to gain knowledge and keep informed of all things related to her recovery because you don't want to miss a beat.  The two-and-a-half weeks spent in the hospital are so much of a blur now.  We were nervous to hold her for fear that we might hurt her or mess something up.  We prayed that she would learn to eat while still at the hospital, only to bring her home with an NG tube that she would pull out three times, requiring us to reinsert to a screaming baby while using a stethoscope to listen to her belly so we could make sure it was in the right spot.  We certainly took the learning process in baby steps.  We learned what we needed to, when we needed to learn it.

Mid-recovery, off oxygen, without chest tubes

And we haven't stopped counting our blessings with her since.  Our hearts are constantly grateful for His unmerited favor, His sufficiency, His plans.  We don't know why we were chosen to be heart parents, or why our baby girl is one of the ones blessed with six beautiful years of life under her belt.  We don't know why her health situation has always been the "HLHS ideal."  We may never know.  But we are grateful beyond what words could ever properly express.  Our hearts are full...overflowing...spilling forth with abundant gratefulness.  We will celebrate and praise God every chance we get.

Giving her a kiss mid-recovery

And we will pray for those parents who were denied this opportunity.  Our hearts ache heavily for them.

We hope to encourage other parents in our shoes...to support, to answer questions freely and honestly...and to listen.

Sleeping on her rocking chair for pictures

Happy Norwood-iversary tomorrow, Camdyn.  We want you to know how special you are, little love.  And how encouraging your strength, bravery, and perseverance are to us.

Enjoying a fun family fall day

Friends, squeeze your littles tight.  Be grateful when they scream and cry, run and jump, and spin tornadoes of toys around you.  Be joyful because you get to parent your children...no matter how difficult it is, because there are some who would give anything for that chance.

Camdyn Turns Six!

Birthday Breakfast 2013

You're the rise to my shine, my partner in crime, my sweet valentine.   You're my bedtime cuddler, my clothes shopping buddy, my tiny sous chef.  You're my golden leaf collector, my note-writer, my notice-the-little-things-in-life dreamer.

And today, you're turning six.

Dancing, February 2012

I can hardly believe it.  SIX.  Five was hard enough, but six?  When did that happen?  Your maturity is unfolding before my very eyes.  You amaze me with your optimism, your perseverance, your tenderness of heart, your forgiveness (thank you for your easy forgiveness).

Photo Courtesy of Laura Tavarez Photography, May 2013

Happy Birthday, baby doll, sweet pea, sugar plum, honey pie, muffin..stinker boo...keep on being YOU because you are beautifully unique.  Special.  Valuable.  "Sweet as a posy."  Created in God's image.  I adore you, my love bug.  And I am so proud of you for the young lady you are becoming.

October 2013

A Favorite Recipe

I have a lot of favorite recipes, but my favorite kinds of recipes are those that are adaptable depending on your ingredients or mood.  I also have two categories of favorites:  those that are carb-friendly (thanks to gestational diabetes that stuck around after Camdyn was born), and then all the rest!

Oh, how I love Pinterest.  So many recipes, so little time.  It always makes me laugh that there's all these deliciously fattening or sugary recipes pinned right next to fitness tips.  When I can combine the two, I am a happy girl.

The recipe I'll be sharing today is just that.  Delicious and healthy.  Bonus?  It's totally adaptable, too!  I've made several variations of this recipe and they've all been a great hit.

What is it, you ask?  It may sound weird to some of you, but please, don't be turned off by the name:  Cottage Cheese Pancakes.  You see, I have a sweet tooth and I love breakfast foods.  This makes it possible for me to "indulge" in a short stack of pancakes.  And the recipe is SO simple.  I found it via Pinterest.

Special birthday pancakes and a fancy candle!

I made these recently for Max's birthday breakfast and added rainbow sprinkles and a little maple extract.  YUM.

Rainbow sprinkles, anyone?

This recipe is so easy because all the ingredients go into the blender and BAM! Batter is done.  Delicious, fluffy, moist....and rich in protein, thanks to the cottage cheese and eggs.  And there's NO SUGAR in them, nor is it necessary, with the vanilla extract.

Short stack for my big boy

Trust me on these yet?  Ok, good.  Here's the recipe (from kalynskitchen.com):

Makes approximately 12-15 small pancakes.

- 1/2 cup 100% whole wheat flour (white works fine, too, if you must)

- 1 cup cottage cheese
- 4 eggs
- 1/2 cup canola oil
- 1 T baking powder
- 1 T vanilla

- any extras, such as berries, diced apples, additional flavored extracts, spices/seasoning (pumpkin pie or cinnamon are delicious), sprinkles, chocolate chips, etc.

Put all ingredients in blender or food processor and blend well.  Preheat griddle or heavy frying pan.  Evenly scoop batter into pancakes.  These take much longer to cook on the first side as regular pancakes, an they don't bubble when they're ready to be flipped.  Instead, the sheen goes from "shiny" to "matte" when they're ready for flipping.  Enjoy with your choice of topping!

Needless to say, the birthday boy was pleased.  As were the rest of us.  

The sweetest boy face

Have a wonderful Thursday, friends!

The Year's Last Loveliest Smile

Fall.  Long ago, I discovered my love for fall.  Fall means chilly weather (which automatically means my boots and scarves can be worn daily), candles burning throughout the day, windows open, sweatshirts, hot drinks in the afternoon, and extra cuddles beneath blankets with my loves.  Fall is "a bouquet of newly-sharpened pencils..."  It means baking goodies, changing out pillow covers, making hearty pots of chili and pasta sauce, soup and stew, hot apple cider and mulled wine.  It means all things pumpkin.  Oh, how I love pumpkin.  My love of fall and all things pumpkin go hand-in-hand.  Pumpkin muffins, pumpkin bread, pumpkin spice lattes (I've already had my first from Starbucks!), pumpkin pie, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin pancakes....pumpkin tea.  And I have some savory pumpkin recipes I'm excited to try pretty soon, too.

One of my absolute favorite parts of fall is watching the season change and unfold before our very eyes.  My heart leaps for joy when I see shades of red, fiery orange, and glowing gold sprinkled in the tree tops.  I love to watch the leaves dance in the sunlight with the passing breeze.

Golden leaves of the golden hour

I love how the light changes so distinctly between summer and fall.  Something about it is so much warmer, more golden, more inviting...like an old friend who asks you to stay a while for a cup of coffee.

Blankets, quiet time, coffee

It's comfortable.  It's welcoming.  It's a slower pace.  Fall is the season when I listen to classical music the most.  Something about fall makes me want to "be still and know"...to reflect, to actively practice gratitude, to enjoy all the little things.  Fall makes me want to spend family days at the park, go for walks, bike rides, picnics.  All those fun things we could do during summer vacation if it was 20 degrees a smidge cooler here.

Quiet time by {unexpected} candlelight

To me, autumn is "...the year's last loveliest smile" (William Cullent Bryant).  Each colored leaf is a gift.  Each rainy day is refreshing. Each day of clouds is cozy.

Autumn Sunrise

Fall means gathering together for Thanksgiving.  It means the anticipation of celebrating Christ's birth in December.  It means family time.

I wait and long for this season all year long.  All year long.  It seems to take ages to arrive and then it passes too quickly.  It slips through my fingers like the sand at the beach...the way my little loves are growing up so quickly.  I've always said that I could live in an "eternal fall."  Some people would live out summer all year.  I would choose fall.  I will always choose fall.  Fall is magical and fleeting.  And always too short.  Fall stirs within me the way no other season does.

Albert Camus said it right when he said, "Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower."

Colored Leaves

Embrace fall, friends.  Embrace the quiet.  Embrace the beauty.  Before we know it, it will be gone.....until next year.