Learning to Surrender (again)

It's been a while since I've written anything, let alone anything heart-related, so as we prepare for Camdyn's cath, this seemed like a good way to lay out the details.  We've been so blessed that her health has been really wonderful, overall.

TWO YEARS AGO.  We can hardly believe it's already been that long, in some ways.  In other ways, it seems like a lifetime ago.

But roaming the hospital halls for her appointment yesterday was a reminder of how fresh the emotions still are from that summer...for all of us.  At the very depth of those emotions is an overwhelming sense of gratitude to our Creator for how he has faithfully cared for her and brought us through to this side...that's not to say that we're on any kind of "safe side," because when it comes to the heart, there never really IS a safe side.  But we're on "this side of today," with so many victories behind us...small victories (since her Fontan, she actually has an appetite), and gigantic ones (upper-90 oxygen level!!!).  Reminding ourselves of those victories help us to keep things in perspective.

Why is this heart catheterization necessary now, you might wonder?  The reasons are different than last time - this cath will be for numbers checking, measuring, and getting an overall picture of how her heart is/has been functioning since she had her Fontan 2 years ago.  They do this "while everything still looks good" (their verbiage for saying they expect that will change at some point).  Just like last time, they'll be feeding narrow catheters through a couple major veins/arteries from small incisions they'll make (in her leg and neck), all the way into her heart.  While they're in there, they'll also coil any collateral veins they find (those that the body grows automatically, making the blood flow less efficient).  The overall surgery takes an average of four hours.

As with any surgery, there are substantial risk involved, even outside of those associated with being under anesthesia (though uncommon).  They include:

• Bleeding around the point of puncture
• Abnormal heart rhythms (in which case they'll have to shock the heart back into rhythm)
• Blood clots
• Infection
• Allergic reaction to the dye
• Stroke
• Heart attack
• Perforation of a blood vessel
• Air embolism (introduction of air into a blood vessel, which can be life-threatening)
• Death

Aside from smooth sailing during the procedure itself, we will be praying that her blood pressure (which was slightly elevated at her last appointment) will read at a normal level for her, and that her Versed will be effective in relaxing her and we not have a repeat of the screaming and crying and clinging to me as we hand her over to the nurse (the hardest thing ever).  We're also praying for her to be completely covered in the peace that passes all understanding (like she very noticeably was right before her Fontan).  We know God is faithful and sovereign...but the act of surrendering is never easy.  And this process is never easy - we just get more practiced...know more of what to expect...follow through with all the same motions as before.  But this time, she's older, asking more questions...questions that children shouldn't seriously have to ponder.  "But mommy, what if I die?" was one that about killed me, put a heavy pit in the deepest part of my stomach.  But God gave me the words to reply to her....that He promised to never leave or forsake us, and that, at the very worst, she would be in the presence of our Savior in Heaven (she accepted Christ at the tender, but insightful age of 4).  

Surrender.  A simple word, a simple concept, but a difficult task.  But that's all we have - none of our own strengths, ideals, or actions can do anything.  We are trying our very best to loosen our perceived grip on things to lay this burden down before our Rock and Redeemer.

We'll be wearing our red hearts in support of her and would love to see you doing the same!  Thank you so much for the prayers already offered up on her behalf.  We feel incredibly blessed.