Reflections & Why "Looking Back" is Key

You know those pictures with inspirational or encouraging phrases you find online (you can see my Pinterest board here)?  Well, I have a "thing" for words, and oftentimes I think there's much truth to what some of them say.  Sometimes they are Bible-based, sometimes not.  Sometimes they're right, and sometimes they're wrong.  Other times, they simply provoke a little thing called thought and reflection.

There's one I've seen recently that I liked initially...and then I decided there was a little bit of truth to it, but it didn't really allow for the whole picture.  It reads:  "Don't look back, you aren't going that way."

While I do think its important to keep your focus on what's ahead of you (whether its a short-term focus or an ultimate, eternal focus on God), and that we shouldn't dwell on our past mistakes, where this quote falls short for me is the fact that you may forget how far He's brought you in your journey and what He's accomplished during that time.  You wouldn't be able to compare your past to your present.

(I couldn't find the original source for this!  If you know, please tell me)

I think the "looking back" is important...necessary, even.  It causes reflection, which results in gratefulness.

Gratefulness for how He carried you through.

Gratefulness for what He taught you.

Gratefulness for His unending grace and unconditional love.

Gratefulness for His blessings.

And gratefulness for knowing that He hasn't accomplished His work in you.  He isn't finished yet.  You're still His work-in-progress.

A little personal reflection

The C.S. Lewis  quotation describes our summer for me, better than my own words could.  And not just our summer, even, but our entire parenting career, thus far.  And if you don't look back from time to time, you can't see how far you've come.  Just this summer, we went from this:

Camdyn, just out of the OR, post-Fontan on June 11th

All set up in her PICU room

There's a bunch of "extras" hiding beneath the blanket, too.

(Let's revisit that second picture one more time for points of reference, shall we?)

A couple of notes for reference

To this:

Camdyn, on our girls' date night Friday

And while we were in the trenches, it was difficult to see much change, if any, daily.  But reflecting on what it all looked like when we started the summer, it seems worlds away now.  And by "worlds" I mean "how was that only less than three months ago???"

We've never shared Camdyn's day-of or day-after surgery pictures in order to provide a bit of censoring for our little girl who just doesn't look like herself (and to protect those whose hearts would drop when seeing our sweet pea this way).  They always come out of surgery all puffy and swollen, with, what seems like, a million attachments and gadgets...all to work in protecting her sweet life. Initially, we choose not to take these pictures, but we always decide later that it would be such a testament to God's love and care for her to be able to show them to her later.  After recovery.  When she's doing great and back to herself.

So when you think about it, especially when you feel discouraged or at a standstill, just take a moment to glance back at your circumstances three, six, however-many-months ago.  Acknowledge the changes, the steps forward, the lessons learned.

And then give Him your sincerest gratitude.  

Insta-Love

I have always enjoyed taking photographs.  For as long as I can remember, I've had the tendency to look at life through a camera lens. I have always been more of a "details person" (in many ways) than a "big picture" person.  Those moments, details, and tidbits that make up our life bring me such joy.  Many times, they are fleeting as we scurry around to get my little love out the door with her daddy and off to school, and other times, they are moments when we can pause and take a million a few snapshots to help us remember it (seriously..."Hi, my name is Tiffany, and I'm hard on my hard drive").

Enter:  INSTAGRAM.

Now, I do have a Canon DSLR that I ADORE (it snaps fast if the settings are right for the ever-changing moments of my littles), but sometimes, I just don't want to lug that thing out...and then make sure that my littlest love is incapable of getting to it.

But, boy, do I love Instagram.  I love the editing capabilities (it's so easy and there's lots of filters), they are constantly upgrading, and I can instantly share my photos with family and friends.  With a caption.  And then maybe a hashtag or twelve two. #ireallyonlyusethemjustforfun.  (No, this post was not written as a paid advertisement for IG, though it sure does sound like it!).  I also like using IG in combination with other apps like PicFrame, A Beautiful Mess, and Rhonna Designs (my newest favorite).

Documenting the fun days (our first time skiing!!)
and the not-so-fun days (a kindergartener's lesson learned the hard way)

While we were at the hospital for our #bigredheartday and #camdynsfontan2013, it was a quick and easy way to keep track of the day's highlights (and lowlights?  Now I sound like a hair stylist)...ups and downs...peaks and valleys.  It was a small glimpse into our world of being heart parents, being stuck at the hospital, praying fervently for our girl to come through with flying colors, missing our little man painfully.  And then to instantly share that with anyone who was following our journey.

Recovery days in the hospital after Camdyn's Fontan

Granted, I did blog about it almost every day, but there were more IG moments than what I put up on the blog.  Looking back at some of those now, even from some when I first started using IG, I realize how quickly things change...especially with having two littles that are constantly changing and growing too fast.  #staylittle please, my #koppercuties.

Why do they grow up so fast?  Trying to capture their childhood with the camera.

That's part of why I love it so much.  We can capture the everyday, the all-too-brief, the moments that we can look back on with fond memories...and not-so-fond memories (the ones where we are grateful that we are not still stuck in that moment - I'm thankful for those, too...as reminders).

Most of the time, they play together so nicely!  Good proof for when they're teenagers, I think.

It's also a place to share encouragement and inspiration (and humor)...and follow others who do the same.

Just a little #freshchalk

On my current project list (which is virtual, because if I wrote it down it might be a little overwhelming), is getting some of these pictures printed for us to enjoy and remember.  I would LOVE to hang some up in each room of the house (okay, maybe each bedroom and then one for the main living area).  I've seen so many different posts about people getting these pictures printed, plus too many a million ideas for how to display them.  (Enter:  PINTEREST).

Of course, I want to keep it budget-friendly but make sure the quality is also decent.  And I want to easily change the display on a moment's whim.  Do you use Instagram?  If so, do you ever print your Instagram photos (and where?)?  OR, what do you do with them?  I'm all ears and would love to know...please drop me a comment below!

Also, if you'd like a peak into our day-to-day, you can follow me on Instagram here!

Treasures

My little love just LOVES to give and collect trinkets.  Whether it's the orangey-yellow fall leaf that she saw at school she knew I would love, the handwritten message that she jots down on a sticky note from her daddy's classroom before school begins, or the heart shape that she cuts out of scrap paper for me, they're all little trinkets.  They're tokens, really, tokens of her love for me.  They're moments of her day that she thought of me.  She gets incredibly excited to bring them to me.  It's the cutest thing I have ever. seen. in. my. whole. life.

Photo Courtesy of Laura Tavarez Photography

And she's been like this for as long as I can remember.

My three favorite silhouettes, Morro Bay, August 2013

When we take a trip somewhere (far or near), she is always on the hunt for that something special that speaks to her heart.  She collects petals, rocks, shells, leaves, scraps of paper in pretty colors or patterns, words...and she brings them home and will stare at them for days.  The last "favorite trinket" that came home with us was a shell.  Upon closer inspection (and discussion with her Uncle Ryan), she learned that it was the shell from a little crab that had lost it in order to move on to bigger and better things.  He'd left his shell on the beach for her to discover.  Except, she was a little confused as to whether or not a "new crab" would grow into that shell in it's place.  She was momentarily devastated (tears and all) when she had realized she misunderstood, but decided to make the most of it by pretending that it would grow if we put it in a cup of water (I almost cried, it was so stinking adorable - no joke).  She named it "Flower," and it sat on the windowsill of our kitchen, soaking up that water and catching some sunshine for a good week before I told her it was time to let it dry and keep in her "shell jar" in her bedroom.

Chasing the waves and collecting treasures in Morro Bay, August 2013

Each flower, each shell, each rock, each drawing or note....they're all treasures.  Treasures from a little girl who sees the beautiful details in everyday life.  I like to think that she got this from me.  There's moments when time stands still as we explore something that we've discovered in the midst of the "daily grind."  It's a beautiful moment we share that I'll tuck into the pocket of my mind where I keep my "treasures."  Sometimes, she asks to use my camera(phone) to take a picture of something she wants to remember. Sometimes, I let her...and then there's 10 pictures of the same thing.  She gets carried away in the beauty of things.  In the fun of things.  In the silliness of things.  In special moments.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I hope she's always like that.  Just. Like. That.  Easily swept into the beauty of the world God created, the moments that make up our life together on earth, the relationships shared with loved ones.  She's rarely in a hurry for anything.  Ever.  She takes her time to explore...to get easily distracted with what interests her.  Sure, it's frustrating, at times.  But usually, it makes me slow down more to just give her the moment she needs.  It's like she looks at life through a photographer's lens...one that sometimes wears rose-colored glasses.

She even gets excited when Mr. Max does something new, different, or sweet.  He's often silly (or grumpy), but she was so excited the other day when she had kissed his tiny "boo-boo" for him and he kept coming to her and hugging her for more.  The way she responded to him about it made her sound so mature.  They're growing up so fast and I want to treasure all of these moments with them.  If I don't record it, photograph it, or write it down in some way, I'm afraid that I'll forget these tiny details of our daily lives...the details of the here and now.  The "trinkets."

They're treasures of today.  The time will escape us, they'll continue to grow up, but I'll always carry the treasures of these moments with me.

First Grade Fun

She's done it.  Two days down, many more school days to go...but she's having so much fun in first grade already!

She bounded from her bed when I awoke her yesterday, for her first day.  To say that she was STOKED would be an understatement.  And after going strong all day long, there was not an ounce of a tired bone in her body.  Some of the other teachers who barely knew her said that they could already tell a difference in our "Camdyn 3.0."

My Big First-Grader!

The only time my heart stopped beating was when I realized, on the drive HOME from dropping her off, that we had completely failed to discuss the recess situation.  You know, the one where the first graders are on the playground with all the second- and third-graders?  The ones who are bigger, busier, rowdier...?  My dear husband assured me that she would be fine (and it helped that he talked to one of the yard duty aids who was out there - it pays to have friends in ALL places, people!).

My hope and prayer is that this excitement for learning and being at school continues through the school year.  I know there will be battles over homework, discussions over classroom behavior, and such, but as long as she remains excited (most days), I'll be a happy mama.

Room 20

And with the start of a new school year, comes the emergency contact information forms.  The ones where you fill out every possible detail you can in the hopes that it won't need to be used.  For the first time EVER, I've gotten to write that she's had three open-heart surgeries completed.  THREE.  Completed.  WOW, how quickly it changes.

BOY does it feel good to write this...and surreal.

I hope all of you are ready for your littles to begin school again (if they haven't already), and that the school year is filled with blessings, learning, and fun.  Lots and lots of fun.

Camdyn 3.0

I made a joke last week that our Camdyn is a new and improved version of herself since surgery.  She's got more energy (from increased oxygen) than she knows what to do with, and her appetite is....well, let's just say that for the first time in her life EVER (consistently), she actually HAS ONE.  Seriously, the girl can now pack it away, and then ask for more.  Without a fight, she'll devour a half sandwich in 10 minutes, flat...then ask for something else to eat.  Chalk it up to faster digestion from 12-15% more oxygen in her little body than she's used to.  It's Camdyn, but on "supergirl steroids."  It's "Camdyn 3.0."

Why 3.0?  I figure the three-stage, three surgeries must be counted.  She couldn't have had one without the other two.  

She's more energetic and rambunctious than ever.  We've spent so many weeks this summer telling her to be calm, settle down, take it easy, take a break.  She's only 7 weeks post-surgery, after all.  Following her last cardiology appointment, she felt like she had been given a free ticket to finally begin using up her energy.  The kid can run!  Granted, she still runs "with her elbows" a bit (picture a tame version of Phoebe Buffet), but after a ton of running around with her friends after church on Sunday morning, there was not a cough to be heard.  Normally with too much activity, she would begin coughing because she couldn't catch her breath fast enough.  And then she would have to take a break and sit with us while all of her friends continued playing.  

With all this running and dancing around, we have been watching her like a hawk.  We've been trying to let her ease back into normal activity rather than going full-speed ahead.  We barely allowed her on her bike for the first time yesterday in months (she'd been practicing her riding in the spring).  There hasn't been a single issue.  But we're being cautious (overly cautious?) because that's how we roll.  Why mess with (or mess up) a good thing?

All this issue-free activity certainly hasn't come too soon, seeing as how school is back in session on Thursday.  Yep, my big first-grader will be back into a routine (as will the rest of us).  It will be SO GOOD for her.  She's pretty young for a first-grader (she could've done transitional kindergarten last year instead of the "real deal"), but I think she does best when challenged...and her vocabulary has always been ridiculously mature, even though she's itty bitty, physically.  Do we worry about her being on the playground with second- and third-graders?  Naturally...but her daddy won't be far, and it was totally and completely God's intervention that she even attended public school (vs. homeschooling her last year), in the first place.  We couldn't have arranged that line-up even if we'd wanted to.  So, yes, we worry...for a few seconds...before remembering Who orchestrated the setup.  

And she may be itty bitty (she's only 32 lbs), but she packs a punch in that little body of hers.  Don't underestimate this girl because she WILL surprise you.  She's the epitome of those sayings..."She's whiskey in a teacup" and "Let her sleep, for when she wakes, she will move mountains."  God has something special planned for her...something that will utilize the fierce, strong spirit He has created in her.

Waiting at her pulmonology appointment for her breathing test.

Summertime comes to a close.  We love summer, and the end of it is always bittersweet, but in our house, our favorite season is fall. We're looking forward to cool, crisp air, and lots of fun spent outdoors.  It's the start of another new school year...summer begins to fade into the past.  We anticipate the color changes of the leaves and our sweaters come out from hiding for the last 6 months.  Fall is on it's way, friends.  Though it almost always takes longer to arrive than we'd like, we'll soon begin soaking in all its beauty.

We are thankful for the changing seasons...in weather and in life.  They mark a time to move forward onto new or different things...or sometimes onto old things that feel like a familiar, warm blanket wrapped around you for a time.  Sometimes, we trudge through the current season of our lives hoping to survive it, and sometimes we wise up and embrace it for what it's worth, good or bad.  This summer has been great, considering all of our circumstances, but we are ready to bid it farewell and move onto a different kind of calm than we've felt in a while.  Yes, we're ready for the warm blanket.