Learning to Surrender (again)

It's been a while since I've written anything, let alone anything heart-related, so as we prepare for Camdyn's cath, this seemed like a good way to lay out the details.  We've been so blessed that her health has been really wonderful, overall.

TWO YEARS AGO.  We can hardly believe it's already been that long, in some ways.  In other ways, it seems like a lifetime ago.

But roaming the hospital halls for her appointment yesterday was a reminder of how fresh the emotions still are from that summer...for all of us.  At the very depth of those emotions is an overwhelming sense of gratitude to our Creator for how he has faithfully cared for her and brought us through to this side...that's not to say that we're on any kind of "safe side," because when it comes to the heart, there never really IS a safe side.  But we're on "this side of today," with so many victories behind us...small victories (since her Fontan, she actually has an appetite), and gigantic ones (upper-90 oxygen level!!!).  Reminding ourselves of those victories help us to keep things in perspective.

Why is this heart catheterization necessary now, you might wonder?  The reasons are different than last time - this cath will be for numbers checking, measuring, and getting an overall picture of how her heart is/has been functioning since she had her Fontan 2 years ago.  They do this "while everything still looks good" (their verbiage for saying they expect that will change at some point).  Just like last time, they'll be feeding narrow catheters through a couple major veins/arteries from small incisions they'll make (in her leg and neck), all the way into her heart.  While they're in there, they'll also coil any collateral veins they find (those that the body grows automatically, making the blood flow less efficient).  The overall surgery takes an average of four hours.

As with any surgery, there are substantial risk involved, even outside of those associated with being under anesthesia (though uncommon).  They include:

• Bleeding around the point of puncture
• Abnormal heart rhythms (in which case they'll have to shock the heart back into rhythm)
• Blood clots
• Infection
• Allergic reaction to the dye
• Stroke
• Heart attack
• Perforation of a blood vessel
• Air embolism (introduction of air into a blood vessel, which can be life-threatening)
• Death

Aside from smooth sailing during the procedure itself, we will be praying that her blood pressure (which was slightly elevated at her last appointment) will read at a normal level for her, and that her Versed will be effective in relaxing her and we not have a repeat of the screaming and crying and clinging to me as we hand her over to the nurse (the hardest thing ever).  We're also praying for her to be completely covered in the peace that passes all understanding (like she very noticeably was right before her Fontan).  We know God is faithful and sovereign...but the act of surrendering is never easy.  And this process is never easy - we just get more practiced...know more of what to expect...follow through with all the same motions as before.  But this time, she's older, asking more questions...questions that children shouldn't seriously have to ponder.  "But mommy, what if I die?" was one that about killed me, put a heavy pit in the deepest part of my stomach.  But God gave me the words to reply to her....that He promised to never leave or forsake us, and that, at the very worst, she would be in the presence of our Savior in Heaven (she accepted Christ at the tender, but insightful age of 4).  

Surrender.  A simple word, a simple concept, but a difficult task.  But that's all we have - none of our own strengths, ideals, or actions can do anything.  We are trying our very best to loosen our perceived grip on things to lay this burden down before our Rock and Redeemer.

We'll be wearing our red hearts in support of her and would love to see you doing the same!  Thank you so much for the prayers already offered up on her behalf.  We feel incredibly blessed.

Rainbow Sprinkles (A Fresh Bedroom For Our Sweet Pea)

Sprinkles make everything extra special...especially when they are rainbow-colored.

So, what to do in the bedroom of our little love who thoroughly loves.all.the.colors and can't ever pick a single favorite?

Sprinkle it with rainbow colors, of course!

In moderation.

Her nursery was a sea of chocolatey brown, pale pink, and white.  When we updated her room with her "big girl bed" a few years back, the color scheme remained the same (read:  "we weren't ready to paint it again, just yet").

We had been planning and scheming her room redo for almost two years (doesn't life just go that way, sometimes?), which gave me plenty of time to pull it all together in my head.  I had already begun to collect items for her room, including a pom pom pillow (with leftover pompoms from her 5th birthday "art" party) and my very first embroidery project (which I had started working on while we were in the hospital last summer).  I wanted it to be fresh, bright, whimsical, airy, and sprinkled with bits of every color.

{  A 14" labor of love  }

{  book page mobiles and triangle bunting  }

A vanilla cupcake with rainbow sprinkles soon became the way I described it (does anyone else associate all their decorating and color-scheming with edibles every.single.time?  Or am I the only one?).

{  mix of vintage, new, handmade, and store-bought  }

Finally, the weekend came when we could let the kids have some grandma and grandpa time overnight while we painted her room and pulled it all together.  HOORAY!

{  reused window panels from Max's room topped with a vintage sheet and white pompoms  }

We began with a beautiful shade of white with a hint of warm gray in it:  Valspar's "Gilded Linen."  And once we added some heaping tablespoons of some (very fine) gold and silver glitter for the main wall, it truly was gilded!

{  the bottom 1/3 of a gallon and several {heaping} tablespoons of each color glitter  }

The glitter was just enough to be noticeable (especially when her lights are on), but subtle enough at the same time.  What girl doesn't love herself some glitter?!  (Here's a short video so you can see the glitter in action).

I had a few fun surprises up my sleeve besides the glitter, to include 2-inch metallic gold polka dots for the ceiling, some sweet, whimsical pinwheels, twinkle lights (which I love because you don't see them when they aren't lit!), a tassel garland, book page mobiles (that I had made for my SIL's baby shower), and art prints (sources for everything will be at the end of this post).  We had already added some fun rainbow elements to her room in anticipation of the redo (so they weren't surprises), including a Paisley Sprouts garland and pillow cover, sweetly gifted to her for her birthday last year from her "Aunt Alli" (and family) herself.

{  these prints are perfect in her room.  I spy a leftover baby shower pinwheel  }

{  tassels made from a dress & scarf that I never wore, strung on white sequins - artwork and photo area will be beneath  }

Add a HomeGoods score of a duvet cover ($30!!), our old queen-sized down comforter, and some repurposed items from around the house, and we are super excited with how it all turned out.

{  my favorite vignette in her room  }

{  every girl needs space for her books  }

She loved it.  Even Max loved it.  And then she asked if she could actually sleep there (adorable).

{  its safe to say they both loved it  }

We still have a few loose ends to tie up (a platform storage bed, an area for hanging personal art and pictures, an adorable "royal" pillow case, and reorganized closet), but it's safe to say that it's about 90% complete - and boy, does it feel so good.

I'd be lying if I told you that I never go into her room (when she's at school) and just enjoy it myself.  Must be the little girl in me.  

This room is SO VERY Camdyn.  Fun, bright colors, little details, some new, some vintage, glitter, and polka dots.  Oh, the glitter and polka dots.

{  can I move in?  }

Her room looks like a birthday party celebration every day...which I think is pretty perfect, given that the life of our little miracle girl should be celebrated every day, too.

Praise God for that!

{  happy pompoms and pinwheels  }

Room Sources:

Wall color:  Valspar's Gilded Linen in Satin

Trim color:  Valspar's Swiss Coffee in Semi-Gloss (used throughout our home)

Triangle garland & pillow cover:  Paisley Sprouts on Etsy

Gold polka dot decals:  All Four Walls on Etsy

Set of 2 pinwheels:  Celebrate Life on Etsy

3 Art prints (2 on hangers, 1 framed):  Pen and Paint on Etsy

Book page mobiles:  tutorial from Anthromollogies.com (found on Pinterest)

Twinkle lights:  found on Amazon

Celebrating our 10th and 11th

Anniversaries.  Last year, we didn't really celebrate our anniversary much, other than going out to dinner.  Our focus was on getting through the summer as a family, so we vowed that, as long as everyone was healthy, we would celebrate our big 10-year anniversary with a little trip (and celebrate our 11-year anniversary at the same time).

We were just babies.  Fresh out of college.  High School sweethearts.

{  Yes, this was before all photographers went digital. #weAREthatold  }

We wanted to go somewhere we had never been before, just to mix it up a bit (without leaving California or going too far).  So, we headed up to Northern California, with a stop in Napa for lunch, to a really pretty hotel...in the middle of....hardly anything.  Alas, we did lots of driving.  And made lots of jokes along the way. So by the time we arrived, we were ready for dinner...and there was, conveniently located RIGHT next door, a fantastic "saloon" with delicious menu options.

{  Only 20 feet from the door of our room!  }

The next day we did a little exploring and wine tasting in the surrounding areas...but only after our morning massage appointment.

The biggest winery we went to, Ceago, also grows and harvests their own lavender.  Though we were only a few weeks late before they harvested it, they were kind enough to send me home with a dried bouquet.

{  The grounds and building were lovely  }

{  More lavender, and it smelled wonderful  }

We did some more driving and made our way through some towns that had another winery or two, including one town smaller than our hometown.  We asked the tasting room attendant what she would recommend for lunch, and she offered three pizza places and a sandwich shop.  The sandwich shop won (and was truly delicious), but that doesn't keep us from laughing at that "podunk winery town."

We wound up later that evening driving into St. Helena (which we love, but was still an hour and a half from the hotel) for dinner.  We stumbled upon this "cute little restaurant," named Archetype, and decided to have dinner there.  When we walked inside, we were amazed by how big it was and it became an instant favorite.  Light, airy, the perfect decor (we could've moved right in), an open kitchen (which is always fun), and food that was simply to DIE for.  Smoked salmon stogies.  Strawberry smash for sipping.  Salmon with fried artichokes and fennel.  Bacon-crusted halibut.  I. have. no. more. words.

{  Archetype...amazing from top to bottom  }

When we drove back to our hotel after dinner, the restaurant was abuzz and it looked magical.

{  Future back yard ideas noted  }

We drove the next day to Fort Bragg and walked around a bit, did a bit of beer tasting (nothing to write home about), and explored the botanical gardens.  HANDS DOWN one of the most beautiful places, ever.  It certainly didn't hurt that they have a dahlia garden that was in full bloom and dahlias are my favorite.  I may have taken a hundred hundreds of pictures, but will spare you with just sharing a {hefty} handful of favorites.

{  AKA "Heaven on earth"  }

{  I don't remember the name of this flower, but the ruffled petals were deliciously breathtaking  }

{  "Prince of Peace" fuchsia  }

{  A full, beautiful bud  }

{  Ready to pop  }

{  Dahlias and succulents anyone?  }

{  Dahlias "as-big-as-my-face"  }

{  Sweet, little blooms  }

Needless to say, I was in heaven.  And hubby lovingly obliged while I snapped photos of each dahlia {no joke}...then took a panoramic on his phone for me.

We ate a delicious steak dinner in Fort Bragg that night, before driving down through Mendocino and then starting the two-hour drive back to the hotel (where we probably stopped for drinks and dessert).

Our last morning, after packing up and enjoying breakfast on the patio, we drove towards Sonoma to stop at any winery we decided sounded good along the way (but not too many because we had an IKEA trip to make before heading home).  It had been too long since we had been to the area and explored some wineries.  Out of the blue {it's really so hard to miss, don't you think?}, we saw one winery we had been to a couple of times before, and we knew they had a nice deli and picnic area so we could enjoy some lunch.  It had been ten years since we'd been there, and it only seemed to have changed a little.

{  Ledson Winery  }

Quaint, isn't it?  We went inside for our tasting, grabbed an $8 bottle of cold riesling in the deli, along with a mini baguette and a prosciutto and mozzarella roll, which they kindly sliced for us, then headed out onto the lawn in the beautiful 80-something-degree weather...plastic cups in hand.

{  Picnicking on our quilt!  }

{  A close-up of their glorious fountain  }

{  Some sweet ladies were kind enough to swap photo ops with us  }

It was fun to tell the kiddos we picnicked at a "castle."  We must've spent two hours eating our lunch. It was the perfect, relaxing way to finish up most of our trip.  A detour to IKEA and some traffic later, we were happily home to pick up our littles, who were pretty darn excited to see us, too.  We were so grateful to be able to celebrate our anniversaries the right way this year.

Now, is it too early to plan for next year?

Dancing Her Heart Out

Our little ballerina had her first "on stage" recital in June.  She was excited and adorable.  Last year, she couldn't make it to the "big show," so she had a little show at her dance school of her own, with the girls in her class.  She wasn't the least bit nervous this go-round and was really excited to wear a bit of "mommy's lip gloss and cheek stain."

She had behaved the entire show and performance, so she finally got to shake the crazies out with a bit more dancing.

Once the show was over, she enjoyed a Denny's root beer float.

She's looking so grown up, these days.  I'm so proud of her for not being nervous and just being herself.  I hope she is always set on being her own person, the person God created her to be.

Given her spunk, I don't think that'll be a problem.

The Biggest Big Red Heartiversary

As the end of the summer has arrived before we were ready, I'm finally starting to recap all of the fun we were able to have...which was a FAR CRY from the summer of last year.  We wanted to start it off with a bang.  A really big, fun, super-crazy, super-surprising BANG.  One that had been in the works for a year.  In whispers.

We wanted to surprise Camdyn with a GIANT, fun, Big Red Heartiversary celebration.  When we had it in the works, we had NO IDEA how many people would be able to come.  Like, NO IDEA.

Slowly, I had started to accumulate some party decor and ideas.

{  Party decor:  Custom cake topper by Dee Dee Motique  }

And as the RSVPs came in, our original plans shifted so we could make room for everyone who wanted to make Camdyn's special day even MORE special.  We changed location from our own back yard to her grandma and grandpa's house, and asked some of our friends/family to bring dishes to share, potluck-style.  

{  Making cookies on the stealth...we were up until QUITE the wee hours...every.single.night  }

A play date with ulterior motives had to happen the day before, too (thanks for the idea, Lisa!).

{  Sweet girls  }

And if planning the surprise party itself wasn't enough, we had to have a photo shoot to celebrate the occasion of her heartiversary, of course.  So I MAY have ordered 3-foot-wide red heart balloons...that were really tricky to fit in the car.  Because there were THREE OF THEM.  You know, one for each open-heart surgery, naturally (#whatwasithinking).

{  Hah, Camdyn looks thrilled  }  

And as ridiculous as they may have seemed, they turned out to be pretty darn perfect.

{  Photo by KimiG Photography  }

We probably snuck in a little family session, too.

{  Photo by KimiG Photography  }

When the big day rolled around, we could barely contain our excitement.  She awoke to a bedroom filled with red balloons, red hearts, and a fancy straw at breakfast (which she helped her daddy make) and then I kept her occupied for the afternoon while the boys went to set up the rest of the party "get some tools together" at grandma and grandpa's house (wink, wink).  We did some shopping, made a stop for fro-yo, and attended her last dance class of the year.

{  A new shirt (perfectly her), and pancakes and eggs for breakfast (heart pancakes for the kiddos)  }

{  Crazy, brave, tiny, silly girl  }

{  HAH!  Unsuspecting surprise party recipient...thought she was going out to dinner with the fam!  }

When we finally arrived at the party destination, she saw lots of cars.  Luckily, I had reminded her that it was graduation party and wedding season, so she quickly chalked it up to that (BAM.  #nailedit).  When her grandma opened the door, she looked through the tiny window between the entry and living room and saw everyone silently looking at her....wearing red.  The shy girl came out and told me sweetly to pick her up (several times).  Eventually, everyone said "Happy Big Red Heart Day!" (they didn't want to scare the poor girl).

{  Such a sweet moment  }

Then her daddy joined us and gladly picked her up peeled her off of me.

{  The look on her face says it all  }

{  Precious  }

It's safe to say she was totally surprised...in the best way (and maybe a little sweetly overwhelmed for the first ten minutes or so).  There were somewhere around 70 or more people that came (I stopped counting RSVPs after that).  And we still wished we could have invited more.

{  Party-goers in red  }

{  A fun view of everyone waiting in anticipation of the guest of honor  }

Once she finally felt comfortable enough, she visited...or rather, was lovingly embraced by lots of her sweet little friends.

It was the best thing to watch as her proud mommy.  And it was so much fun watching her take it all in, with a grateful attitude. Before we knew it, she was off playing and having a blast.

{  It's safe to say all the boys had a "blast"  }

{  "And though she be but little, she is fierce."  ~ Shakespeare  }

{  Party shenanigans...and guests  }

{  Chalk artists  }

{  More sweet moments and fun  }

{  So proud of my big girl  }

{  Red, red everywhere  }

{  Wagon rides  }

{  Water wars  }

{  The water guns were a hit with the boys  }

{  They did this for hours  }

{  These two are so goofy together  }

{  Hula hooping with a red heart cookie on a stick...from off her cake  }

We received the cake through an organization called Icing Smiles and the owner of BC Cakes drove nearly an hour to get it there.  Dedication and generosity.

{  Couldn't have been more perfect  }

It tasted as delicious as it looked for sure.  And was an added "surprise" for Camdyn after the party had begun!

Several of our new heart family friends were able to come (and we missed those who couldn't make it!), so we heart mamas required a picture together, of course.

{  Struggle and strength in these women.  It's such a blessing to know them  }

Camdyn and Eli have the same heart condition.  These shirts were made just for them by one of the heart mamas (Happy Heart Mail).  

{  They were instant buddies when they met...and are just too cute together!  }

The party was only more magical as the night went on.

{  Sleepy, but still going  }

{  Everything is more festive with buntings and string lights  }

And when the party gets late, the pants come off.  Apparently.

{  Still eating cookies and cake  }

{  Sleepy sweeties and a festive heart  }

The kiddos were practically asleep before they even hit the car.  So much fun, so many new memories...almost all of them and more captured by our heart dad friend, Jason (Wedehase Photographer).  We will treasure these images always.  Thank you so much.

Our hearts are full.

{  Guests left their finger/thumb prints...but can you tell which one is Camdyn's?  #outofthebox as usual  }

And our girl feels special and loved.

{  Cookie leftovers for breakfast, of course  }

And grateful...

{  This kid cracks me up and makes me feel warm and fuzzy  }

...even though a stinker ("mom and dad"...she normally calls us "mommy and daddy").  

I asked her later if she had tons of fun because it sure looked like it.  

Know what she said?  

"It was better than Disneyland," with a huge, sweet grin.  

Happy mama tears.  The happiest.