The Six-Year Mark

As we prepare thankful hearts to celebrate Camdyn's first successful surgery tomorrow (the six-year anniversary of her Norwood), four days after being born, I hear of another mom whose HLHS baby didn't make it past day one.  I don't know this heart mom, and I haven't met in person the heart mom who shared this, but just being heart moms, there's an instant, automatic connection.  My heart aches for her and the loss of her sweet baby girl.  And in the back of my mind, I know that it could've been mine.

Nothing anyone can say would ease her heartache.  So much time spent anticipating the arrival of a sweet baby, expecting it to be healthy, being a good "pregnant mommy" and steering clear of all things that could change that.  Wondering whether it would be a boy or a girl, and then planning a beautiful little nursery where that baby would cuddle under a blanket, up on your shoulder, be towel-dried after baths, listen to bedtime stories, the sound of her mother's voice singing softly to her.  Where time getting to know one another would be spent in those first weeks, round the clock...tired mommy, sleepy baby.  Anticipating the connection, listening for her first coos and giggles, giving raspberries to her perfect, unscarred little belly, dressing her in her new clothes and tiny headbands.  Wondering what her first words will be...what the color of her eyes will be...if she will look more like you or her daddy. Painstakingly and prayerfully selecting the name that would be just right for her.

And then finding out that she would be born with a heart defect.  A life-threatening defect.  One to require multiple surgeries and procedures.  And in an instant, all your energy and thoughts go to praying and hoping that the surgeries are successful and your baby can live a somewhat normal and healthy life.  You no longer care or think about the outfit she will wear home from the hospital...because you don't know when that will be.  Your only prayer is that you get to take a semi-healthy baby home.  Your mind is haunted with the "what if's" and the "I hopes" and the "Dear God, please."  And all you can do is bide your time, trusting in God's faithful Word, kept promises, and sovereign plan...enjoy your time with her even though she's not yet born...stay strong for her and try not to let it ruin your entire pregnancy experience.

Photo Courtesy of I See Beauty Photography

I remember the day we found out.  The first time we would be speaking with her cardiologist.  It wouldn't be our last.  I remember what I was wearing, I remember driving to pick up my car from work in silence, sending Phillip in to tell them I would be home from work for a few days because I was unable to form words with the lump that was in my throat.  I remember needing to read the brochures that they sent home with us.  Changing doctors.  Changing hospitals.  Planning and scheduling induction.  Wondering if something I had done had caused this, even though they said it was a random, rare defect.

And then, there we were, finally having her at the hospital, eager to meet her face-to-face for the first time.  She looked like a beautiful rosebud, pink cheeks, pink lips, olive complexion, perfectly smooth chest and belly.  And then, as quickly as you can snap your fingers, she was off to Children's Hospital to get settled in the NICU, a baby with lines and monitors, in this tiny bubble (where she would look like a moose at her 6 lbs, 7 oz frame, compared to the dear, tiny premies growing strong before finally going home).

Holding our Sweet Pea for the first time!

On my 26th birthday, Camdyn was a mere 2 1/2 days old and awaiting her first surgery.  I wanted nothing but to be by her side or have her in my arms.  All I wanted for my birthday was to be with my little girl.  And I wanted to get her first surgery behind us so we could take her home and enjoy being a family of three (a blessing denied to many parents, not just heart parents).  We held her very early in the morning on surgery day, up until they had to take her to the OR.  And then we waited.  Oh, how we waited.  The clock's ticking was in the slowest of slow motions. I had to refuse any thoughts of what the current picture in the OR might have looked like...forcing myself to breathe, periodically.  And then finally, after somewhere around 11 or 12 hours, the final OR update came, in the hallway, with her surgeon.  And we could see her soon.

In the hallway, we could see her little head peeking out from all the covers on an adult-sized bed.  In her PICU room, we saw more wires, tubes, and monitors than baby skin.  You simply cannot prepare yourself for it.  But you take deep breaths and talk to her nurses and doctors in order to gain knowledge and keep informed of all things related to her recovery because you don't want to miss a beat.  The two-and-a-half weeks spent in the hospital are so much of a blur now.  We were nervous to hold her for fear that we might hurt her or mess something up.  We prayed that she would learn to eat while still at the hospital, only to bring her home with an NG tube that she would pull out three times, requiring us to reinsert to a screaming baby while using a stethoscope to listen to her belly so we could make sure it was in the right spot.  We certainly took the learning process in baby steps.  We learned what we needed to, when we needed to learn it.

Mid-recovery, off oxygen, without chest tubes

And we haven't stopped counting our blessings with her since.  Our hearts are constantly grateful for His unmerited favor, His sufficiency, His plans.  We don't know why we were chosen to be heart parents, or why our baby girl is one of the ones blessed with six beautiful years of life under her belt.  We don't know why her health situation has always been the "HLHS ideal."  We may never know.  But we are grateful beyond what words could ever properly express.  Our hearts are full...overflowing...spilling forth with abundant gratefulness.  We will celebrate and praise God every chance we get.

Giving her a kiss mid-recovery

And we will pray for those parents who were denied this opportunity.  Our hearts ache heavily for them.

We hope to encourage other parents in our shoes...to support, to answer questions freely and honestly...and to listen.

Sleeping on her rocking chair for pictures

Happy Norwood-iversary tomorrow, Camdyn.  We want you to know how special you are, little love.  And how encouraging your strength, bravery, and perseverance are to us.

Enjoying a fun family fall day

Friends, squeeze your littles tight.  Be grateful when they scream and cry, run and jump, and spin tornadoes of toys around you.  Be joyful because you get to parent your children...no matter how difficult it is, because there are some who would give anything for that chance.

Camdyn Turns Six!

Birthday Breakfast 2013

You're the rise to my shine, my partner in crime, my sweet valentine.   You're my bedtime cuddler, my clothes shopping buddy, my tiny sous chef.  You're my golden leaf collector, my note-writer, my notice-the-little-things-in-life dreamer.

And today, you're turning six.

Dancing, February 2012

I can hardly believe it.  SIX.  Five was hard enough, but six?  When did that happen?  Your maturity is unfolding before my very eyes.  You amaze me with your optimism, your perseverance, your tenderness of heart, your forgiveness (thank you for your easy forgiveness).

Photo Courtesy of Laura Tavarez Photography, May 2013

Happy Birthday, baby doll, sweet pea, sugar plum, honey pie, muffin..stinker boo...keep on being YOU because you are beautifully unique.  Special.  Valuable.  "Sweet as a posy."  Created in God's image.  I adore you, my love bug.  And I am so proud of you for the young lady you are becoming.

October 2013

A Favorite Recipe

I have a lot of favorite recipes, but my favorite kinds of recipes are those that are adaptable depending on your ingredients or mood.  I also have two categories of favorites:  those that are carb-friendly (thanks to gestational diabetes that stuck around after Camdyn was born), and then all the rest!

Oh, how I love Pinterest.  So many recipes, so little time.  It always makes me laugh that there's all these deliciously fattening or sugary recipes pinned right next to fitness tips.  When I can combine the two, I am a happy girl.

The recipe I'll be sharing today is just that.  Delicious and healthy.  Bonus?  It's totally adaptable, too!  I've made several variations of this recipe and they've all been a great hit.

What is it, you ask?  It may sound weird to some of you, but please, don't be turned off by the name:  Cottage Cheese Pancakes.  You see, I have a sweet tooth and I love breakfast foods.  This makes it possible for me to "indulge" in a short stack of pancakes.  And the recipe is SO simple.  I found it via Pinterest.

Special birthday pancakes and a fancy candle!

I made these recently for Max's birthday breakfast and added rainbow sprinkles and a little maple extract.  YUM.

Rainbow sprinkles, anyone?

This recipe is so easy because all the ingredients go into the blender and BAM! Batter is done.  Delicious, fluffy, moist....and rich in protein, thanks to the cottage cheese and eggs.  And there's NO SUGAR in them, nor is it necessary, with the vanilla extract.

Short stack for my big boy

Trust me on these yet?  Ok, good.  Here's the recipe (from kalynskitchen.com):

Makes approximately 12-15 small pancakes.

- 1/2 cup 100% whole wheat flour (white works fine, too, if you must)

- 1 cup cottage cheese
- 4 eggs
- 1/2 cup canola oil
- 1 T baking powder
- 1 T vanilla

- any extras, such as berries, diced apples, additional flavored extracts, spices/seasoning (pumpkin pie or cinnamon are delicious), sprinkles, chocolate chips, etc.

Put all ingredients in blender or food processor and blend well.  Preheat griddle or heavy frying pan.  Evenly scoop batter into pancakes.  These take much longer to cook on the first side as regular pancakes, an they don't bubble when they're ready to be flipped.  Instead, the sheen goes from "shiny" to "matte" when they're ready for flipping.  Enjoy with your choice of topping!

Needless to say, the birthday boy was pleased.  As were the rest of us.  

The sweetest boy face

Have a wonderful Thursday, friends!

The Year's Last Loveliest Smile

Fall.  Long ago, I discovered my love for fall.  Fall means chilly weather (which automatically means my boots and scarves can be worn daily), candles burning throughout the day, windows open, sweatshirts, hot drinks in the afternoon, and extra cuddles beneath blankets with my loves.  Fall is "a bouquet of newly-sharpened pencils..."  It means baking goodies, changing out pillow covers, making hearty pots of chili and pasta sauce, soup and stew, hot apple cider and mulled wine.  It means all things pumpkin.  Oh, how I love pumpkin.  My love of fall and all things pumpkin go hand-in-hand.  Pumpkin muffins, pumpkin bread, pumpkin spice lattes (I've already had my first from Starbucks!), pumpkin pie, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin pancakes....pumpkin tea.  And I have some savory pumpkin recipes I'm excited to try pretty soon, too.

One of my absolute favorite parts of fall is watching the season change and unfold before our very eyes.  My heart leaps for joy when I see shades of red, fiery orange, and glowing gold sprinkled in the tree tops.  I love to watch the leaves dance in the sunlight with the passing breeze.

Golden leaves of the golden hour

I love how the light changes so distinctly between summer and fall.  Something about it is so much warmer, more golden, more inviting...like an old friend who asks you to stay a while for a cup of coffee.

Blankets, quiet time, coffee

It's comfortable.  It's welcoming.  It's a slower pace.  Fall is the season when I listen to classical music the most.  Something about fall makes me want to "be still and know"...to reflect, to actively practice gratitude, to enjoy all the little things.  Fall makes me want to spend family days at the park, go for walks, bike rides, picnics.  All those fun things we could do during summer vacation if it was 20 degrees a smidge cooler here.

Quiet time by {unexpected} candlelight

To me, autumn is "...the year's last loveliest smile" (William Cullent Bryant).  Each colored leaf is a gift.  Each rainy day is refreshing. Each day of clouds is cozy.

Autumn Sunrise

Fall means gathering together for Thanksgiving.  It means the anticipation of celebrating Christ's birth in December.  It means family time.

I wait and long for this season all year long.  All year long.  It seems to take ages to arrive and then it passes too quickly.  It slips through my fingers like the sand at the beach...the way my little loves are growing up so quickly.  I've always said that I could live in an "eternal fall."  Some people would live out summer all year.  I would choose fall.  I will always choose fall.  Fall is magical and fleeting.  And always too short.  Fall stirs within me the way no other season does.

Albert Camus said it right when he said, "Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower."

Colored Leaves

Embrace fall, friends.  Embrace the quiet.  Embrace the beauty.  Before we know it, it will be gone.....until next year.  

Max Man Turns 2!!!

Max.

His "patiently waiting for birthday cookies" face.

My little daytime buddy.  My cuddly boy.  My shake-stealing, Pooh-bear-loving, sticky-hands-hating noisemaker.  There's so much boy rolled up into this kid.  He was practically born growling.  Happy or sad, he growls.  He adores his sister like no other...always thinking of her any time he sees the color pink.  His attachment to his family members is endearing.  He excitedly watches the weekly garbage trucks with eyes full of fascination and curiosity (insert growl here).

He has an amazingly tender heart, offering hugs and kisses when you're hurt, and saying "bless you" when you sneeze.  Does he have a temper?  Of course!  But his tender heart is so evident every single day.  And he has a fantastic sense of humor.  He gets it.  He has an energy level that should be against the law at times...keeping me on my toes would appear to be his forte, currently.  He contentedly cuddles in my lap after nap time with his blanket, his Pooh Bear, and his cup of milk. He doesn't like being tucked in without at least a song or two. He has the cutest pronunciation of "helicopter" that I've ever heard in my life.  "Huckle-nunner."

Can't they just stay this little?  Why do they have to grow up so quickly?  I do suppose I'll just have to stop blinking.

Happy second birthday, Max Man.  We love you SO MUCH, buddy boy!  We pray that you will grow strong, be a leader, and a man of integrity.  Take care of your sister, baby boy.

Be strong.  Love the Lord.  Serve Him always.  We love you MOST, little handsome!

Celebrating Heartily

Around here, we have a rule for birthdays:  go BIG or go home.  We like to make a big deal out of them.  Birthdays are to be celebrated and enjoyed...with gusto!  And it's one way that we like to make our loved ones feel special...ESPECIALLY our little loves.  We like to begin celebrating about a week early, and continue the festivities all the way through the big day.  I'm not exactly sure how or when this began, but I know that we are so grateful for our blessings through (and for) Camdyn with her HLHS, and that Max arrived in perfect health, almost 4 years later.  And, not to mention, blessing others and making them feel loved and special is one of my favorite things to do.

And I'm all about the little things.  It doesn't have to big, expensive or time-consuming...just thoughtful, planned, prepped.  It's the thought and time spent behind it that make it special.  Sometimes it just means rainbow sprinkles on your PB waffle, or a swirly straw, or balloons everywhere.  Sometimes, it means that you can call the shots (reasonably), or that you wear your pajamas all day long.  It ALWAYS means that birthday decorations go up days before your actual birthday.  Signs, banners, confetti, balloons, flowers.  We like to celebrate birthdays for a whole week.  We don't spoil our kiddos much more outside of birthdays, so if not for birthdays, when?!?!   We don't want them growing up with a sense of selfishness or entitlement, so we're pretty low-key outside of birthdays.  And then when birthday time rolls around, any tiny detail is extra special.  Picnic breakfast?  Ok!  Fun napkins?  Of course!  Favorite foods?  Absolutely!

Sunday, we celebrate Maxwell's second birthday.  There is so much BOY rolled up into this kid, and he has such a tender and loving heart.  And he's so big.  Like, huge.  Where did my baby go??? (Cue "frantic mama").   In less than three weeks, we'll celebrate Camdyn's sixth birthday.  SIX.  Even though our road with her since discovering her HLHS (before her birth) has been less than boring, and at times totally scary, it's simply flown by.  Like wind-in-my-face-what-just-hit-me flown by.  I still have crazy hair from it, in fact.  

There was a point where I wondered if I'd ever get through Max's pregnancy.  Six weeks of bed rest...seems like a slightly distant memory.  Then, we held our breaths, praying for a normal heart, with both a right and left ventricle and everything in place (because once you have one CHD baby, your odds DOUBLE for any others).  Praise God for a perfectly-functioning heart!

Here's a little "throwback," if you will, of previous birthdays we've been blessed to celebrate...the precious lives of our babes:

~ Camdyn's First Birthday ~

She wasn't too sure about the whole "cake thing"

That fish face...still cracks me up!

~ Camdyn's Second Birthday ~

"Cute As A {Giant Homemade} Cupcake" 

This time around, she totally dug the sweets.

She wanted to eat her cupcake-shaped cookie in solitude, for as long as that took.

~ Camdyn's Third Birthday ~

"Camdyn's Castle" and "Camdyn's Vacation Home" ~ works of art in cardboard (great job, boys!)

She wanted a castle cake, of course.  Oh, yeah, no big deal (insert nail-biting mama).

Birthday oatmeal with sprinkles...and a candle, of course.

~ Camdyn's Fourth Birthday ~

{Preceded by the arrival of Max}

Her only request?  Cookies with purple frosting and rainbow sprinkles.  :)

Hard to keep this gift a surprise as I worked on it with a bellyful of Max. {It was obviously WELL worth it...that face!}.

~ Maxwell's First Birthday ~

Best. Cake face. Ever.  He was TOTALLY into it.  Little cake lush.

Plaid, apples, and TONS of fall fun!

~ Camdyn's Fifth Birthday ~

{Yes, we celebrated their milestone birthdays separately, though mere weeks apart}

Oh, this face...I could eat it for dessert.

On her ACTUAL birthday...while she took her afternoon nap.  :)

Decorations for her "Rainbow Art Party"

~ Phillip's Birthday 2013 ~

This chalkboard is in frequent constant use.

Balloons everywhere (including inside his car at work), orange creamsicle cheesecake, and a dinner too delicious to snap a picture of before devouring it!

Oh....birthdays...what's not to love?  And even though we're keeping it casual, simple, and low-key this year (we have a certain ENORMOUS SURPRISE for our littles in November, sort of to celebrate that the dreaded Fontan is behind us), we'll still decorate, cook, feast, play, and celebrate heartily.  No matter the budget or the time, it's easy to celebrate the precious lives of those we love...and to count our blessings in the process. 

Do you have any fun birthday traditions, old OR new?  How do you celebrate birthdays?