Waiting

Today marks day 12 of our Big Red Heart Days.  She has shown such improvement this past week.  Her lungs and diaphragm are normal or near normal again.  She's eating like usual (which is not much, but also normal).  Her heart has found it's (very important) sinus rhythm...but inconsistently.  We walked a total of 24 laps around the PICU yesterday.  And even after all those laps, we were pretty stir crazy.  We've had nurses and doctors and RTs popping in and out of our room...just to say "hi."  But today?  The "stir craziness" continues.  As does the irregularity of her heart's rhythm.

Sinus rhythm...a great thing!

Talk of an implanted pacemaker returned today.  Her heartbeat has fluctuated too much between sinus and junctional.  If she were to remain junctional, it could cause her issues even earlier than "HLHS early."  But here's the gray area:  she's showing NO SIGNS of being affected by it right now.  She's tolerating it well.  The only way we can tell she's having rhythm issues is to look at the line on the screen.  Her blood pressure is good.  Her coloring and respiratory rate are good.  So what to do?  That's what the doctors will discuss during case conference on Monday.  And if they decide on the pacemaker, they then have to decide when.  Next week?  Next month?  Discharge her and readmit her later?  Theres so many questions, so many variables.  Please pray that whatever happens, God's complete will would be done, and that our reliance on Him would be nothing but full and clear.

Always waiting.

So, it appears we're taking involuntary lessons in patience.  And waiting.  And patiently waiting.  None of which we are very good at.  Practiced?  Yes.  Skilled?  No.  I am convicted by Psalm 62:5:

⁵ "For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him."

So we wait.  We wait for answers.  We wait for directions.  We wait for guidance.  We wait for Him.  Through all this, we wait for Him.